Finding your groove

Right now is my favourite time in motherhood so far.  C is super sweet, curious, smart, funny, affectionate, spirited, stubborn, and fiercely independent.  She’s got such a big personality.  I predict a future class clown (which she comes by quite honestly!).  And the memory on this child – it’s exceptional.  She’s my little bestie.  We have definitely found our groove together.

While I was pregnant, and even beforehand, most people I spoke to told me that I would love being a mother (which I do).  They told me that I would love every minute of it, and that it would be the best thing I ever did in my life.  This is partly true.  Let me explain.

Perhaps it was because everyone told me that I would love every minute of motherhood, or perhaps it was because that’s what I was expecting that led to my big reality check.  Immediate bliss was what I was “supposed to” feel.  I had this expectation that I would feel fireworks and heart explosions immediately upon laying eyes on and holding my new little bundle.  I’ve always been told I’m a maternal person, so I figured that motherhood would come naturally to me.  Not so much.  I definitely did not love EVERY minute as a new mom (insert major mom guilt here).  I mean, who loves every single minute of daily life, whether you’re a mom or not?  I had delayed bonding and a lot of anxiety, which I felt extreme guilt about.   More on that in a future post.

When you’re trying to navigate your new role as a mother, you might feel like you have to figure it all out, right away.  I remember feeling very anxious that I didn’t have it all figured out immediately.  Perhaps it was the perfectionist in me that surfaces sometimes.  I needed to give myself a big break.  It’s a brand new relationship between mom and baby, and it can take some time to get to know one another and figure things out.  As a first-time mom, you don’t have the benefit of hindsight, so you really don’t know that things will get better in time, and that you will figure out all the things.  The tough moments will pass, and new challenges will present themselves.  And you’ll get through all of them.  I promise.

The first few weeks and months in motherhood are not necessarily indicative of the type of mom you are, or will be; nor is it reflective of the relationship you’ll have with your child.  Things evolve over time, as you get to know one another, as any relationship does.

I am definitely loving most moments of motherhood these days.  My heart explodes when my daughter smiles at me.  It explodes when she hugs me.  She kisses me on the forehead and cheeks.  She wants to snuggle at bedtime.  She wants to hold my hand.  She asks me what my favourite colour is.   Her little fairy angel voice makes me swoon.  She’s the best.

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xo Leigh

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