Let’s take a moment and define the word Sanctimommy: A mother who is sanctimonious about her parenting choices. Looks down at and/or judges parents who don’t make the same choices. We’ve all encountered one too many Sanctimommies in our motherhood journey; they seem to pop up at every stage along the way, offering their unsolicited “advice” (aka judgment). Basically, a Sanctimommy is the absolute antithesis of everything that Bad Moms Canada represents.
I recently read an article that was magically suggested to me by Pinterest as something that I would like. Well, Pinterest, you couldn’t have suggested something that I could detest more than a rant by a Sanctimommy about how she thinks that today’s generation of parents are selfish and narcissistic for wanting “me” time, and for sharing the challenging moments of parenting. She believes that parents today have menacing attitudes in a degenerate society. She believes that if parenting your kids has become a nightmare – it’s your fault. Toddler tantrums are your fault. Screaming kid? Your fault. Because they have gotten away with these actions one too many times. I just could not believe what I was reading.
The main problem I have with this article, and mindset in general that apparently still exists in 2017, is the judgment. That sanctimommy needs to lighten the F up. Every single second of parenting is not blissful. It’s just not. And to pretend that each moment is shiny and perfect, well, it’s not doing anyone any favours. That, and it’s complete bullshit to pretend otherwise. Sorry, not sorry – but when my kid is having an epic meltdown because she wants to watch yet another episode of Paw Patrol, I’m not blaming myself for the tantrum, nor am I thinking of all of life’s blessings at that particular moment. This naïve and antiquated way of thinking is ridiculous and harmful, and it attempts to make other moms feel shitty, especially first-time moms. Sharing a laugh with other moms about the challenging moments of parenting is not selfish or narcissistic. It’s just something that most moms do. It doesn’t mean that we live in a negative, degenerate society.
Taking “me” time is not selfish or narcissistic either. Having children does not mean that the old us suddenly disappears. Sure, we all have a bit of an identity crisis after our first child is born, but we eventually feel like ourselves again and we start doing the things that we enjoyed doing before having children. Having children doesn’t mean that our sole purpose in life is to be a parent 100% of our time. I have many, many interests outside of being a mom. I love being a mom, and I’m a damn good one. And I’m also damn good at lots of other things. And if I didn’t do those other things, I wouldn’t feel balanced, creative, or fulfilled in ways that only those things could provide.
To conclude this rant, I’ll leave you all with the Bad Moms Canada philosophy: great moms doing the best they can to raise great people, with no apologies for not being “perfect.” Bucking the trend of perfectionist momming, and just being who we are and sharing our experiences parenting, rocking life, and supporting each other – while not giving a shit if your kids’ homemade lunches are better than ours.