A good friend of mine asked me the other day, “how do you and your hubby keep the spark in your relationship alive with four kids?” I sort of laughed it off and changed the subject because I didn’t know how to answer her question. I thought about it for some time afterwards, and what I wanted to say was something along the lines of this:
- We make sure to carve out “us time” at least a few times a week
- We schedule each other in to our busy schedules and we stick to it
- We send each other romantic text messages and emails and flirt with each other often
- We make sure to have sex a few times each week
The truth is though, that I’d be lying if I answered her that way. My husband and I are still very much in love, and still desire each other, but “it” just simply doesn’t happen as often as it used to or as often as we may like it to. Like most people who have young children, our lives are non-stop from the moment we wake up in the morning until the moment we go to bed at night. He leaves before me in the mornings, and I get home later than him at night. Our evening is filled with chores and responsibilities like making and eating dinner, doing dishes, making lunches, doing homework or reading with the kids, bathing the kids, and putting the kids to bed. The evenings are chaotic, and loud, and confusing and somewhat frantic. There are a lot of children running around, and asking questions, and needing attention. As romantic as this all may sound (wink, wink) we are often so tired at the end of our days that the “spark” is just not very sparky.
But, throughout the course of our marriage, our version of intimacy has changed and matured. We have learned to find intimacy in different ways, and we have learned to show each other affection and receive love in different ways. Over the years we have come to a new understanding of and appreciation for each other that we simply did not have when we were younger and newly in love. Sure, it’s not as hot and spicy and fun as it once was, but it is special all the same. Here is a great article that I found with tips on how to keep a healthy marriage. It really resonated with me because it reaffirmed that hubby and I are on the right track to keeping our marriage healthy. Do you have any tips or advice on how you and your hubby/partner have managed to keep the spark alive in your relationship?