You know those Saturday mornings – the lazy ones where you let the television occupy your toddler? Where you ply them with snacks and juice just so you can SIT and surf social media and have some downtime? But you know when you do this and it hits you…You’ve got those hornies and haven’t had a good pony ride in at least a couple weeks? You look over at your husband who has been fighting a morning rod for the past hour, all disheveled, and comfy looking in his Roots track pants but pitching a tent?
You look at him. He looks at you. You raise an eyebrow, and pointedly look at his boner then awkwardly jerk your head towards the stairs. You quickly check the child’s situation: Sippy cup full? Check. Adequate snack remaining? Check. Is the powder room light on in case he needs to pee? Check. At least ten minutes left of this episode of Paw Patrol? Check. Is hubby’s little soldier still at attention? Check.
“Monkey- Mommy and Daddy are just going upstairs to get dressed ok? Mommy will bring your clothes down in a few minutes- ok?”
Vacant toddler nod.
AND GO. Take the stairs two at a time- every second counts.
Blatant disregard for coffee/tea breath and crazy hair- but maybe a quick pee? Pants have to come off anyways… Shirt stays on in case the toddler interrupts anyways. No time for foreplay – but hubby’s got the lube out and is slathering up already. ‘Ready Set Get Wet’ yells Zuma – horribly perfect timing and we both giggle as I pounce.
A miraculous five to seven minutes later and we’re both panting but satiated. My husband is going to think about that quickie all day, I know it – maybe he’ll even load the dishwasher because I rocked his world? I receive a little love slap on my ass as I pull on my pajama pants to head back downstairs. That my friends is parent-style sex in all its glory. Oh the things you have to look forward to.
xo Guest blogger Steph