Only the lonely

The ‘selfish’ truth behind my only child.

I met my husband, we dated, we moved in together, we got engaged, we got married, we got pregnant, we bought a house, and we had a baby. This is my happily ever after, the end.

Our first child is a boy. This child is the light of my life, he is a cheeky, sweet, skinny, squishy little Q-Tip and I love him more fiercely than I thought possible. He turned two in May, and let me tell you, everyone I speak too tells me that we have to have another. When I say “tells me” I actually mean that literally. It comes completely unsolicited from friends, family, and friends of family and they almost make a demand of it. I’m sure that if they knew I was ovulating and there was a spare room handy they would lure me and the husband there and lock us inside until we did the deed and planted some seed.  These conversations actually make me uncomfortable, and if you knew me you’d know this is not easily accomplished- I’m a self aware realist who typically holds nothing back but THIS topic grates on me.

Instinctively my body is on board with procreating again, but my brain kicks into high gear and I find myself looking around my house (which is a mess), and drooling over my Prada bags (which are wrapped up on the top shelf of my closet away from grubby toddler fingers), or just generally trying to find an hour to myself at any given time and I think: No. Fucking. Way. I already mentioned he is two right? Without fail, I get hit with baby fever and G-Man throws a tantrum- poor husband gets no nookie for a solid two weeks.

When people ask us why we only want one, our typical response is that we’re selfish people. We like to travel and buy nice things and ultimately we want to be able to give our child the absolute best. Not silver spoon style, spoiled rotten but, ‘look at what hard work can achieve’ best. We want to be able to put him through post secondary school and help him buy his first car (or truck as his father insists). We want to give him security while also enjoying our lives and not having to necessarily ‘make do.’ You probably think I sound like a snob now- and that’s ok. You’re entitled to your opinion, but so am I.

Ultimately my husband and I are both introverted extroverts who covet time to ourselves. At this point in time, with one child- it is possible that we each get some time alone, it’s also very easy to find babysitting because G-Man is just one child (and the only grandchild in the family currently). When we speak to friends who have more than one child, and we ask how they manage their response is almost always the same: Divide and conquer (insert wide eyed emoji here). Again- poor husband gets no nookie for a solid two weeks.

We are often told that G-Man NEEDS a sibling, that it will be easier, or, what if something happens to you two and he’s all alone? Ok- you morbid fuck- G-Man has a family that extends past his parents. He has grandparents who are young and able, and aunties and uncles who love him so much it’s almost too much.  He would never be alone. I also have this crazy idea that we are raising an intelligent, independent, capable human being who is well socialized and who will be capable of developing relationships outside of his family. Our job as his parents is to make sure he is well equipped to go out on his own- isn’t it? I know this is a whacky concept for some people- but it’s what we’re going for.

xo Guest Blogger Steph

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