Potty training

Potty training is the worst….look dude, if you want sit in a dirty, stinky hunk of shit that’s on you man. When I started potty training my daughter it was with very subtle, subconscious suggestions. I simply placed a potty in front of the TV and another one in the bathroom. I hoped they would be the equivalent to those ads that pop up on Facebook…No I’m not shopping for trendy eyeglasses with no prescription in them until, well well well… look at those.

Eventually she just might notice that potty and notice it at the exact moment her ass feels wet and uncomfortable. But she didn’t bite. That diaper could have been filled to the brim and soaking her socks and she didn’t give a shit, literally. I waited and waited knowing that eventually she would make the connection. There was no in-between with her. One week she wore diapers and the next she decided come hell or high water she was wearing those underwear with Ariel on them. I bought a bunch of grubby little pants from Value Village and dropped them off at daycare with a snidey grin on my face that at least I wasn’t the one having to change pissy pants all day long. Well, that bag came home 2 weeks later fresh as a daisy, not a single accident.

Fast forward 4 years and my two year old has already taken a man shit on my floor exactly 2 feet away from the white pristine potty perched in front of the TV…Yes I had him carry it to the potty, yes I explained that a poo this big is too big for his diaper and they really should go in the toilet. He couldn’t give a fuck. So I’m done – I have no interest in doing anything other than wrapping his parts up tight in a diaper for as long as I can in order to avoid pissy pants, excess laundry, and extra mopping. I can’t even manage to mop my floor in an ordinary month (not a typo)! How can I be expected mop up 10 pees a day? Answer – I’m not. My son will wear diapers into adolescence if he wants…or once he realizes how nasty it is to sit in a big hunk of squishy shit. Whichever comes first.

xo Kristin


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