Tackling Motherhood

When my oldest daughter was born, I took motherhood by the reins and charged full speed ahead. One day later, I was burnt out, exhausted, my boobs hurt, and I had no idea what I was doing. She was crying, disappointed it seemed that I didn’t have the situation under control.
Coming off my second mat leave I look forward to going back to work. I think I have a better balance now of where I need to be and what is expected of me at both work and at home. It’s always hard to pass on a challenge at work that I want to do, but can’t because it’ll take me away from the kids. But that’s ok. Work will always be there, but my kids need me.

I was always the kid in my blended family of six who had poor judgment. I made questionable decisions countless times, disappointing myself and my family, my friends and coworkers. Not horrible decisions with life shattering consequences, but more like not thinking things through. Moving out before the end of high school so I could live with a boyfriend (that relationship didn’t last the winter), going to university in my hometown because I wasn’t ambitious enough to leave (although I’d been accepted to every single school I applied to and had close friends attending each one), skipping out on my high school job and getting fired. I was an underachiever who didn’t like failure, so I chose the easiest path and tried not to set my standards overly high.
When I started my career, I tried to fix that, and was successful at it. I cleared my head of my past and immediately after earning a university degree, I started working for a company I continue to work for to this day. I jumped at each job opportunity and career advancement, I fearlessly moved across the province several times, walking into each new position ready to build on experience, establishing my name and roll in the company. I was focused. I had goals.
I got married and quickly became pregnant. I was a confident pregnant woman, I was ready. My daughter was born and the focus shifted. My roll was now as a mother. I left work and began mat leave and it was enjoyable,  but I realized I wasn’t ready at all. I was selfish, I went back to work when she was seven months old, I tried to maintain what I’d always done at work – I worked late, I was away a lot, I wasn’t giving motherhood 100% anymore.
That all changed as she got older and we moved once again. I became pregnant with my second daughter and realized I needed to slow down. My work didn’t need me to be there after hours, my kids needed me to be a better mother. I started to let go and relax, I shifted my focus back to my kids, where it needed to be.
Coming off my second mat leave I look forward to going back to work. I think I have a better balance now of where I need to be and what is expected of me at both work and at home. It’s always hard to pass on a challenge at work that I want to do, but can’t because it’ll take me away from the kids. But that’s ok. Work will always be there, but my kids need me.
xo Guest Blogger Sarah

One thought on “Tackling Motherhood

  1. Sounds a bit like my story!! I lived my girls but I never really jumped in with both feet since I had my “Career” and y need to pursue my “Master’s Degree” that was driving me forward. As a Grandmother you may rest assured that your love of those babies will most certainly be enough to carry them through to adulthood!!

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